I don’t want to be forgettable.

I don’t want regrets.  

I would like to think that I have made a lasting impression on others during my short time here on earth. If a bus hits me tomorrow, I feel confident that people would travel to pay their respects and mourn my passing.  Not that this is a measure of a person or a life lived, but being honest here, nobody wants a weak attendance at their last big “performance”. 

My brother passed away over a year ago and I am still learning more about who he was to others. I shared bathtubs, bunk beds and clothes with him, but there were stories and things about him that I never knew till after he passed away. You often learn more about what kind of a person someone was after they leave this earth. Not because of a false legacy or because people want to feed you positive stories about the deceased, but because these stories come to light with their passing.  These stories might just be simple stories while they are alive, but they take on a different significance once someone passes. Simple and sometimes uneventful stories get shared after people pass, because there is a need for the teller to share something, since the deceased has become more top of mind with their passing. 

I’m sure I have enemies. I’ve been in fights. I’ve fired people and said things I’m not proud of saying. I’m not a perfect person, but I try to be someone that others want to be around and possibly respect. I want to do more and provide opportunities to those who invest their time and confidence with me. When I die, I would hope, beyond my wife and children, that I made a difference in someone’s life. Yet, you never really know till you’re dead, do ya?  People may tell you that you influenced them, but they might not realize how much till you pass.  They don’t often erect statues or name buildings in your honor until you’re dead. There’s more to life than getting things named after you, but I think you understand the meaning and direction I was going with that. 

In a few weeks, the movie “The Fault in Our Stars” comes out.  I hadn’t read the book, but I was given the opportunity to host a sneak preview of the movie the other night.  I won’t ruin the movie for anyone who wants to see it, but the film deals a lot with mortality and how people cope with the hand they were dealt.  One of the characters in the film is going to die and he asks his friends to write a eulogy for him.  Opposed to waiting till he dies, he makes them read them while he is still alive.  I have often thought that this is the way we should treat life and death.  Mean or nice, good or bad, we should live life with more clarity on our feelings for others.  I want people to know how I feel about them and I would prefer for others to share their feelings towards me while I am still alive to appreciate those feelings. Too many missed chances and lost moments in this world due to the holding back of feelings. 

How many people have you lost to death or distance that never knew how much you cared about them?  Or how they cared about you? The grandparent, the parent, the sibling or the high school crush. They passed or moved on and never heard the words you meant to say or what they meant to you. One day, you too will parish.  Will you die without regrets?  My brother died knowing how much I loved him.  I don’t regret the things I said to him, because he was my brother and I meant every word, good or bad. I don’t regret loving him as much as I did or mixing it up with him from time to time. My only regret is the amount of time that was taken from us and the life that I will continue to live, having one way conversations with myself, about him, instead of with him. 

Try not to have regrets in life.