I’ve had many opportunities in life to be vengeful. I’ve been broken up with, screwed over and wronged just as many times as the next guy. I’ve had a front row seat to moments where people have attempted to extinguish my flame, but I’ve never once seen anyone be successful at finishing the job. In the end, I will always come out stronger and wiser…because that’s what I do and I do it without stooping to their level.

You have to be careful on what you allow to be a driver in your life. Many of our actions (or reactions) can be rooted in revenge. It often serves as a powerful motivator and pushes you to achieve more, but do you get to fully enjoy your revenge based victories in life?  It does take away some of your credit and shine when your success is based on something someone else did to push you in that direction. If you are consumed with revenge, then you will never be happy.  You might be driven to do more, but you will never feel fulfilled.

Who are you doing this for?  Are you moving on from that ex and finding a new love for yourself or are you doing it for the look on the face of your former lover when they see you out having a (perceived) good time? Yes, it can provide a shot of self-esteem, but is it something that you need for your long term mental health?

Here’s the surprising and often unfortunate part. Nobody cares. Your ex, unless they are emotionally unbalanced, doesn’t care about your new lover.  You want them to hurt. You want them to feel a certain way, but real life is unlike the movies. That moment of redemption doesn’t happen like you mentally scripted it. Things don’t get resolved in 90 minutes like they do in the movies. The bad guys in life might get theirs, but chances are you will never see it or care by the time it happens. The placement for revenge or redemption never lands where you want it in the timeline of your life.

It’s a challenge, but I try not to wish ill upon people and nor should you. Your “haters” in life stop thinking about you way sooner than you do them. You were the one that allowed the pain to fester while they never thought twice about you.  They wronged you because they don’t care about you. They took from you because it worked out for them. They, like you, put themselves first and that came with a potential price that you had to pay. Fighters get revenge because the other person agrees to the rematch. The person responsible for that chip on your shoulder or that pain in your heart will never give you an opportunity to return the favor. And if they did, would it be worth it?  (No, it wouldn’t). Then what?  Fighters often take a beating just to prove something. Congrats!  You won!  Now let’s go to the hospital!  Your emotional battle scars get worse with every round.

My father once told me, and he doesn’t always subscribe to this lesson himself, that the best form of revenge is good living. #Tryharder to just worry about you and live life on your own terms and the rest takes care of itself. Never apologies for happiness. Don’t burn time or bandwidth worrying about the bullies in life. The moment you put them in your rear view mirror means you no longer need to think about them again. Resist the urge.

The opposite of love is not hate-it’s apathy. Don’t let others control your feelings or rob you of your emotions. True happiness comes from liberation and doing exactly what you want, whenever you want, and not wasting a second worrying about others that do not matter.