Growing up, my sister was on her own. She was the lone girl in the wolf pack of boys. There was Kim and then there were the boys. We were grouped together always as “the boys”. The boys did this and The Boys did that. When bad things were done, it was rarely me or Jimmy or Michael, it was us. We were punished and grounded as a group and we were bragged about and rewarded as a group. Sometimes my sister would defend us to mom and dad or be the first to throw us under the bus. (Usually the latter).

My mom would write a list of chores for each day of the summer and my sister was in charge of making sure that all the tasks were completed. Mom would write things like “have the boys take out the trash and do the laundry”. Rarely were we separated as it was Kim’s job to determine which boy was to complete each task. We were a unit. A group. Not as individuals. Not defined by one, but by our gender and our born into association with each other. There was the oldest and only girl Kim and then there were the boys. She was the general and we were the soldiers.

I love my sister more than life, but I miss having brothers.

I miss the communication, the belonging to a group and the community of brotherhood. If I were to ever say that the world has cheated me out of anything in this life, it would be the amount of time that I have missed and still missing from having them leave this earth too soon. I live a blessed life and the world has been good to me, but this will forever be the only scar or chip on my shoulder that won’t go away. I have been given so much, but this feeling and belonging has been taken from me and that wound will never completely heal. We had a great time when they am were here, but We deserved more. Real talk.

Last night my wife had her company Christmas party and we didn’t have a sitter so we couldn’t attend the event together. It was the same night as my company Christmas party, but she was going to receive an award and my company was going to give me an open bar tab for 3 hours. Awards trump Gin and Tonic, so I stayed home with the kids and she went to her party. The kids and I went out to eat, took a large bubble bath in the “mommy tub” (the big one), ate dessert and watched movies on Netflix till they passed out in our bed. Kids trump Gin and Tonic.

As I sat there watching the craziness that comes from me making them banana splits (with whipped cream) at 8pm, I couldn’t help but tear up and smile. Even though there is one girl and one boy, they remind me a lot of my childhood and growing up with my siblings.

Love that my kids have their own little jokes. Little quotes and the ability to finish each other’s sentences. Finding humor in the same oddities and knowing the exact things that makes the other laugh. There is so much beauty in simply being siblings and having that connection. They are amazing together and care for each other deeply, just as we cared for each other. As much as I miss that from my own life, I feel some of that space being filled in my heart as I watch them communicate. Sometimes you appreciate more being a spectator to something beautiful than you do being an active part of it.

#Tryharder to see the beauty in the simple things and the blessed moments that life provides you. We all get caught up in our own issues and don’t always do a good job of witnessing and taking in the amazing opportunities that are right in front of you. Even if you grew up an only child, you can still appreciate watching a kid do something you wish you still could do or see an experience through their eyes. You don’t need to be a parent to appreciate this, just a healthy observer of life and emotionally intelligent enough to relate to the moment.

To me, watching my kids see Disney for the first time is as amazing as watching them finish each others sentences. Both are amazing and beautiful. Now, if they could stop using the word “poop” in every sentence…that would be great.