My wife is a funny woman. I have been in love with this woman for over 17 years and I want to be with her till the day I die. Chances are I will die first, so saying till the day she dies wouldn’t apply. Give or take a few years, she only has to put up with me for maybe 40 more years? After that, she can get married to whomever she likes, as long as he’s rich.
We have two sinks in our master bathroom. Hers and mine. My sink, or at least the one that is designated as my sink, has a handful of things on the counter. Mouthwash, pills I have to take to live 40 more years, electric razor, my cologne and that’s about it. Her side of the bathroom has approximate 30 times more stuff on it and I honesty don’t know what most of it does besides cause us to be late to places.
Sometimes, because she’s a girl, her stuff flows over to my counter. Like when she “saves me 100s of dollars” by doing her own nails. I’d like to point out that our sink areas don’t connect and that they are more than 5 feet from each other. Her stuff doesn’t just overflow to my area, it migrates like birds in the winter. I don’t care because I am not using the space, I just find it humorous that someone half my size needs 30x the stuff to get ready. I have a daughter, so I am going to assume that things are only going to get worse in a few years.
I have had this “thing” since college, where I will drink out of the same cup for a 24hour period. I don’t want to dirty dishes or dispose of multiple cups in a day, so I leave my cup on the kitchen counter next to the fridge. Yes, I also drink several different beverages in a day, all out of the same cup. I know for a fact, even though we have a huge kitchen with 5 different counter spaces, that this 16oz reusable plastic cup from a BBQ place we occasionally eat at drives my wife nuts. She may not always physically show her hatred for this cup, but more often than not, she will make a point to acknowledge it in some way.
“How old is this one”? (Sarcastic tone).
“You finished with it”? (Frustrated tone)
Sometimes it’s non verbal. Sometimes she pushes it so far into the corner of the counter and fridge area that I almost forget it’s there. 5 counters in the kitchen and whatever space my cup takes up is always a burden to her and could be the cause of all that is wrong in the world. It’s small, but in the world of things she must tolerate, this thing is the size of King Kong. Doesn’t she know that I’m helping the environment and giving her far less things to wash? (I don’t load the dishwasher properly, I’m a man)
Why is it a burden?
Because it’s MY clutter. MY thing. That cup is a part of who I am and what I am about. You’re not going to convince me, after 20+ years of cup recycling, that the cup next to the fridge is ruining the world we live In. People don’t understand it and it doesn’t fit into her plans or life; it’s frowned upon. To be fair, for the most part, she rolls with the punches, but the cup makes for a perfect jump off point for this chapter.
A girl I dated for a short time in college couldn’t get past that I was Catholic. She didn’t say it, but she showed it. She was Southern Baptist and believed that asking me questions about my religion, in a somewhat condescending tone, was a way to learn more about my church. Judging and questioning, although in the same ballpark I guess, are nowhere near the same. I didn’t care about her religion (and honestly I’m not the best Catholic) because it wasn’t a sticking point for me in life, but for her it was certainly a line in the sand when it came to moving forward in our relationship. It’s something she didn’t “do” and that made it strange and wrong. A part of her believed, since she wasn’t Catholic, nobody else should be. I did get to third base though and no, I didn’t go to confession afterwards. (Again, I’m not the best Catholic).
A little while ago, I asked a friend/mentor of mine to read some chapters from #Tryharder and possibly give me an endorsement for the book. This man is someone I have known for a good while and is a pretty big deal in my industry. Having his support and being able to use that support in my marketing would be a huge opportunity and could increase the overall exposure of the book. He read through the pages and really enjoyed the message and the theme of the book. He sited examples of great takeaways and the potential impact of those takeaways. He was excited to share his feedback, but at the end of his praise he said this…
“With all that being said, I cannot support your book or encourage others to read it because it contains swear words”.
Because he doesn’t swear, he couldn’t endorse the book or understand anyone that uses those words. Swearing, like a cup on the counter for my wife or Catholicism for the girl in college, was his line in the sand.
Well, Fuck it. I still respect him, but I found his logic troubling since he is a fan of mine and the book is a reflection of who I am. Hate the sin (although not a sin) and not the sinner I guess?
Let it go. You can’t will and pray people into a direction. You can only hope they eventually find where they are supposed to go in life and do so on their own timeline. You can open as many doors as you want, but nobody can make them enter. You can’t hold the world to the standards and restrictions that you put upon yourself, especially when it comes to little things like what you drink out of, how you pray or the words you choose. #Tryharder to leave those judgmental restrictions for the bigger and more important things in life. You know like murder, infidelity and wether or not you put ketchup on hot dogs. (For the record only communists put ketchup on hot dogs).
