Ketchup is for Communists

My wife is a funny woman. I have been in love with this woman for over 17 years and I want to be with her till the day I die. Chances are I will die first, so saying till the day she dies wouldn’t apply. Give or take a few years, she only has to put up with me for maybe 40 more years? After that, she can get married to whomever she likes, as long as he’s rich. We have two sinks in our master bathroom. Hers and mine. My sink, or at least the one that is designated as my sink, has a handful of things on the counter. Mouthwash, pills I have to take to live 40 […]

I married a T-Rex (and she’s always right)

4am in the freaking morning one of the smoke detectors decided to let us know that it needed a battery. This stuff never happens at 4pm or at a time when I happen to have the ladder in the house. Like a hungry newborn baby, these little bastards want to be changed at 4am, after a night when you stayed up a little later than usual and felt you could sleep in because the next day is Saturday. I waited it out. I tried. I am guilty in doing this with our kids, especially when they shout “I can’t find my Woobie”, only to realize, as I walk into the room, that they rolled over on it. Because it’s easier […]