Honesty is the best policy.

No matter what happens or how things pan out, knowing you were up front and honest is always the best policy. You have to put it out there in order to insure that you are not wasting your time or giving people opportunities to warp or even steal away your goals. You have to be committed to “this is who I am and this is what I am about”.

I’ve been asked out by a few girls in my life. Not bragging, just saying.

Not the kind of asking out where they meet you at a club or party and give you the “one night stand green light”, but the old fashioned “can we go out sometime” kind of asking out. Being honest, the “green light” happened a few times too, but I normally passed on those types of relationships. Not always, but normally. I preferred more of a challenge, unless I was going through a dry patch and needed some attention, then I would take the easy route.

A real date. Remember those? After 17 years together and two kids, it’s hard to imagine what a date would be like for my wife and me! We used to have them right? One thing is still true, even after being married for all these years, there is no guarantee I get to second base and I’ll certainly be the one picking up the check. It we are out past 10pm, my chances for romance decrease exponentially by the minute!

There was this one time in college when a very cute girl asked me out and I said “yes”. She was totally my type and I was pretty excited about the whole idea. We had a communications class together and I was going to ask her out, so she saved me the stress and awkward build up to the question. Sweet!

We had dinner and then grabbed some ice cream afterwards. Dinner conversation was good, but dessert gives you a few more minutes to make your move, but also a reminder that you are on the clock and you need to seal the deal of the next date or come up with a creative way of keeping the current one going. Remember in college, there was always a hidden meaning with the phrase “wanna go rent a movie”? Because if the ice cream conversation went well, you better know where the nearest Blockbuster was! A good date was determined by how little of the movie you actually watched, but you needed a reason to invite the girl back to your place.

Anyway, while eating ice cream, I asked her the one question that I asked most of the girls that I went out with in college.

“What do you want to accomplish before you leave this school”.

Sadly, even on first dates, goals were important to me. If I was going to date this person, it was important to me that she was passionate about something.

The easy and traditional answers would be “get a degree” or “start my career”, but this girl’s answer is still burned into my brain now 20+ years later.

She said “God put me here to find my future husband”.

She didn’t pause. She didn’t laugh or kid about it. I wanted to make a joke, but instead I looked her in the eyes and didn’t say anything for a few seconds. I then just nodded and began eating my ice cream a bit faster. She was honest and focused with her intentions. This girl was there to get what we called the “M-R-S degree”. I’ll give her this, she kept it real.

Needless to say, my goals at the time were not aligned with hers and that was our first and only date. Shame. She was pretty hot, but it was never meant to be. I ran into her and the new boyfriend a few weeks later. They met in bible study class. Since she introduced him as her boyfriend, I’m only going to assume she married him eventually. For obvious reasons, we kind of lost touch after that semester.

If your goals are clear and defined and you are honest with yourself and the people around you, then you will always be able to cut through the clutter of life. To me, that wasn’t the best use of the four years you spend in college, but this was her journey and I am just flattered that she considered me a suitor for a few hours. She was direct and to the point and I respected her goals and ideas, even if they were nowhere near what I was thinking.

If you don’t #Tryharder to speak up and lay it all out there for the world, or at least your immediate group of influence, you will never truly be happy. Yes, some people do not known what they want yet, so there might be a period of time where you can do research on your potential future. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you start your journey and you can certainly change your mind along the way. Just make sure your decisions are yours and you are not changing due to your insecurities or peer pressure. Also, don’t be so blinded by your goal that you don’t see the potential exciting experiences, distractions and learning opportunities life provides you.

Good thing for her that she was open and honest about her God. Had she not said what she said, there most certainly would have been a second date and then I would have ruined it by trying to make it a “Blockbuster” night.

Then again, she might be kicking herself on her 20th wedding anniversary because she didn’t allow herself the opportunity?