I’m not a fan of lip service. If you mean something, then say it.  If you don’t really mean it, then shut up and move on.  

The popular John Mayer song “say what you need to say” was probably the easiest song ever written. Think about it, the song basically says the title over and over again, 83 times, with little to no other words between.  Pretty genius. John made a lot of money off of those 6 words and I’m not hating.  The man is rich and gets to see Katy Perry naked anytime he wants to. Props. 

In my single days in college, my first roommate gave me some advice about dating. He was older and had 2 years of college under his belt, so I perceived he knew what he was talking about when it came to the ladies.  He told me to “always tell these females what’s up.  Don’t play games”.  While other guys were out there telling girls what they wanted to hear, he taught me to tell them what they needed to hear. The truth.  I used his advice with dating and I continue to use it in my personal and professional life. 

Say what you need to say. Mean what you say. Do what you say you are going to do and you will be respected by others (in theory). They may hate the fact that you aren’t offering to help out or telling them what they want to hear, but they should respect the fact that you didn’t lie or lead them on.  The girls didn’t always like hearing that there were other girls or that I wasn’t in love with them, but they all could depend on the fact that I never lied to them in order to gain their affection.  If they were led on or led to believe something else, it was due to how they processed the information or how they refused to listen to the clear and consistent message that I delivered to them. Like a Seinfeld episode, it was certainly them, not me. 

I would say “I like you. I enjoy your company, but I also enjoy the company of others and I am not ready to be exclusive”. 

Those looking for something serious or a husband moved on. Those why wanted the same thing stuck around.  Simple as that. Stalkers excluded…

When I tell someone that I am there for them or that I am willing to help them in anyway-I mean it. I refuse to waste words or provide lip service just to give someone a false sense of hope.  If I don’t know the answer or cannot confirm 100% that I am capable of helping out or whatever, I don’t lead them on. If I say I will help out or donate money or be there for someone in their time of need, I’m there. I won’t say it unless I mean it. 

If you know me personally and feel that perhaps I am misleading with my previous statements; then you heard the answer incorrectly and perhaps twisted my words in your head into the answer you wanted to hear. My children hear “not right now” and assume that means “ask again in 10 minutes”. In business people don’t want to take no for an answer and in dating, the other person might see your desire to not commit as a challenge or an opportunity for them to just “try harder in the relationship”. (There’s that stalker again!)

Let go. Move on. Don’t lie to others or to yourself. Don’t tell people shit they want to hear so they won’t get angry at you.  We are all grownups here, right?  If you spend your life telling everyone what they want to hear, you will never express your own true feelings. You will never tell others what you want to say and more often than not, what they need to hear.  

Say what you need to say, but most importantly, say what you mean.